Love Lessons: An Introduction

By |2019-06-07T11:28:17-05:00June 27th, 2018|All, Life, Love, Love Lessons|12 Comments

When I first started this blog I was very careful never to talk about my age.  Let’s face it, this blogging/influencer world is filled with 20-somethings who look so carefree and have such a broad appeal.  I never wanted anyone to not follow me because I was “too old” and, perhaps, unrelatable.

I now know that’s bullshit.  I’m proud of where I’ve come in my life and all of the things I have experienced.  And if I hadn’t had this much time on the planet I wouldn’t have gotten it all in yet.  Plus, I still feel 28, so that has to count for something!

In reality I’m 38.  And a half.  In less than 18 months I will be 40 and I don’t yet know how that makes me feel.  I know I’d like some of the wrinkles on my forehead to go away, but I also know I have no desire to be 25 again.

If you’ve done the math then you’ve already figured out that I met Marc when I was 35 (and a half), got married at 38, and if we’re fortunate enough to have a baby I will likely do that at 40.  No, this is definitely not how I drew up my life when I was 20, but right now I have never been happier.

Not only did I not meet Marc until I was 35 (and a half) but up until that point I had never had a boyfriend.  That’s right, over 35 years and zero serious relationships.  At some point you are just too exhausted to keep asking, “what’s wrong with me?”.

What I know now is that no man, no matter how amazing, can make you stop asking that question.  You have to do it yourself.

When I turned 35 I struggled big time.  It wasn’t a fun period.  I suddenly realized just how far off course my life had gone from what I had always envisioned.  I also believed I was no closer to finding Mr. Right than I had been 10 years prior and thought that somehow my singleness made me a lesser person.  Mentally it was hell.

Then, after a few months, for some reason I started to dig out of that hole and put myself back together again.  I can’t tell you why.  I truly have no explanation for this change in perspective.  But for some reason I finally begin to think of my life in 20, 30, or 50 years, with the realization that if I were still single it could still be amazing.

I finally decided not to settle for anything less than amazing.  Six weeks later I met Marc.

My intention with this series isn’t to attempt to tell you single ladies what to do to find Mr. Right.  Let’s be honest, one successful relationship in nearly 40 years does not an expert make!  Instead, maybe my experiences can help you find happiness in your present and give you hope for your future.

Wherever you are in your life know this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or that life if it isn’t what you had planned or expected.  Being single isn’t an indictment on your character.  And living a happy and healthy life can be done alone.

I’m not really sure what different directions this series will take, but let’s all find out together.  And if you have any questions or suggestions along the way, or even your own stories to share, please drop them in the comments below or send me an email at laura@firstandtrend.com.

Cheers to refusing to settle!  We’re too damn good for that.

12 Comments

  1. Lorelei June 27, 2018 at 11:46 pm - Reply

    Thanks Laura, your personal story resonates with so many of us who, for every imaginable reason, is not with a partner.
    I’m so happy that you and Marc found one another. Your happiness is palpable. Your blog and fashion sense are higher beacons of light in a sea of younger twinklings … Keep keeping on …
    Lorelei

    • Laura Behnke June 28, 2018 at 6:24 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much, Lorelei! I so appreciate your support and kind words. We’re all in this together 🙂

  2. Lisa June 27, 2018 at 8:31 pm - Reply

    Laura … I’m a bit older than you but I can sort of relate … I was one of the last of my friends to get married … and I was 26!!!! Back in the 80’s and early 90’s most women in my area were married by 24 or 25 …. tops!!!! I didn’t wait as long as you did and yes I had previous boyfriends but waiting for the right person can be excruciating when you really want to find that right person!!! I’m so happy for you that you found Marc … good luck with your future plans!!!!

    • Laura Behnke June 28, 2018 at 6:23 pm - Reply

      Hi Lisa! Thank you so much! And I think this is proof that we are all so much similar than we may know. That pressure to get married is real, no matter the age. Thank you so much for sharing!

  3. Shelley Dinner June 27, 2018 at 5:25 pm - Reply

    Hi Laura,
    I enjoyed reading your honest posting about life before meeting Marc.
    It makes others feel that they are not the only ones experiencing lack of successful relationships &there is hope for everyone.
    Keep writing&sharing&we’ll keep reading &enjoying.

  4. Emily June 27, 2018 at 2:17 pm - Reply

    Omg Laura, this is so similar to my story! I met my current boyfriend almost 9 years ago, but we were on-again/off-again up until 2 years ago. It took us a loooong time to be in the same place at the same time, and I’m now also in my late 30s, no kids and never been married. I believe we will get married and likely have a child in the next two years, but I’ll definitely be over 40 by then. And I’ve learned that it’s ok! I’d also be 100% ok if I were to end up single in 10 years- the realization that we are enough comes with age I believe. Thank you for sharing- I read somewhere that there are more 40 year old women who have never been married than 40 year old women who HAVE been married! Times are changing! Thanks again!!

    • Laura Behnke June 27, 2018 at 2:32 pm - Reply

      Hi Emily! Thank YOU or sharing! That is an amazing statistic! But I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re right, times are changing! And hopefully the more we talk about it the more societal expectations will change, too. And it’s so true, age helps put a lot of things in perspective. I you would have told me when I was a freshman in college that I would get married to the greatest person ever… in 20 YEARS! I would have fallen into a huge depression–haha! Now I’m so thankful for the life I’ve built, much of it by myself. Thank you so much for the note!

  5. Karen June 27, 2018 at 10:25 am - Reply

    Thanks for sharing Laura! Reminds me of my sister who’s going through exactly what you did. I will share this with her. So glad you found your “happily ever after!”

    • Laura Behnke June 27, 2018 at 11:08 am - Reply

      Thanks so much, Karen! When I was going through everything the only articles I could find were about “how to find the perfect guy” instead of someone just saying, it’s okay to be right where you are! I hope your sister can relate!

  6. Rachel Thomas June 27, 2018 at 9:55 am - Reply

    Thanks for sharing your story, enjoy reading your blog.
    And congratulations on your marriage. Best wishes!

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